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Mental Health

Fall In Love With Self-Care: The Mental Health Way

Everyone needs self-care, but do you know who needs it more? The people who are struggling with everyday activities. The people who don’t want to talk to others, or are having a hard time trying to talk. These self care tips will want to make you go out and help that one friend who is struggling right now.

spiritual self-care

Sometimes the last thing people want when suffering with mental health is help. Only because we try over and over again to do it our selves. However, sometimes, we cry out silently for help, only to get silence in return.

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I only know this, because I do it myself. I try so hard to do everything myself, that I break down. I lose motivation, I end up sleeping all day and I reject my partner and son. Other times, I cry out silently for help, and only one person sees, but I reject him.

When self-care comes into effect, we allow ourselves to destress, and forget the world around us. It allows us to regroup, and reconquer the world, despite everything negative around us.

Self-Care Tip 1: Cup of Tea/Coffee

When I am alone, I crave the warmth of something. Not because I am cold physically, but because I crave the warmth of a person. That person isn’t always around, so I turn to a warm cup of joe. Or tea. Whatever floats my fancy at the time.

When I was younger, my foster mom used to get this tea. It allowed me to focus and zen out. With a lovely blend of green tea, mixed with invigorating scents of spearmint and bright lemongrass, it will help you focus and have a true moment of zen. OHM!!!

Fall Into A Book

If you’re like me, you will love a good book. With plenty of choices out there, I am sure you will find your perfect combo. Now pair that with the tea above, and you are set for a lovely self-care moment.

I love books, don’t get me wrong. However, there are certain books that are meant for the right moment, and to me, history books don’t make the cut. I love a book that will get me lost in the moment, forgetting all my worries and realities.

For me, right now that book will have to be The Awakening by Nora Roberts. Its the perfect blend of history and fantasy. The Awakening brings you to modern day Ireland, with the main character wanting to find herself again. She then finds out that she is the granddaughter of a witch. She also finds out about a world of faeries and mermaids.

I am getting ahead of myself. You need to read it for yourself. It’s truly a good book. I cannot wait for the second book to come out this year.

Meditation

As a spiritual person, meditation is low on my list. Not because I don’t like it, but because its hard to stay still. Meditation is all about sitting or laying perfectly still, and letting your mind wander.

I think mindfullness is really my downfall, as being a criticizing person of my well being, I don’t like being alone with my thoughts. I may take up meditation, in order to calm my thoughts.

When meditating, it helps to lay down on your bed, or even sit on a comfortable pillow on the floor. Put some guided meditation videos from youtube on, and let your mind wander.

The way my counsellor puts it, is when you are not thinking about the negative thoughts, you don’t judge yourself. In this state, it is always good to notice your thoughts, and just say “OK,” and let them go.

This way, you aren’t focusing on one thought, but acknowledging them and letting them flow. You can also purchase meditation books, like this one, to help guide you.

Colouring

Now, you may see that colouring isn’t for adults. However, there are many different books out there for different views. I like colouring disney, this horror chibi greyscale book (its my favorite so far), as well as finding childrens coloring books that I like.

Its always fun to take a break from the real world and color your problems away. There are also adult coloring books out there, that might tickle your fancy.

This one seems to be the best for those that love to swear. It may get you motivated enough to do those dishes you have been avoiding for weeks.

A Calming Bath

Now when we had a bath, my husband would put candles around the tub, with epsom salts in it to aid sore muscles, and a book for even more relaxation. He knew I needed the time away from a screaming baby.

Now, we just have a shower, which sucks balls. There is a calming feature about it though. If you pretend that it is a rain shower, then its calming in itself.

Falling in Love

I hope this list allows you to fall in love with self-care as much as it has helped me. Everyone is different, and has their own views on what counts as self-care.

Let me know in the comments below what your ideas of self-care entail!

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Categories
Mental Health

How to Accept Mental Health

As a parent who is home 24/7, and struggling with mental health, I found it hard to accept that I needed help. When being a new mom dealing with postpartum depression, or even struggling with potentially loosing your job during the global pandemic, its tough to admit that you need help.

I am in no means a medical professional. If you need help, please contact your medical professional.This post may contain affiliate links, where I may earn a commission at no cost to you. This helps me keep providing you with content.

When I first became a mom to my wonderful daughter, whom I gave up for adoption, I didn’t know about postpartum depression, nor did I know anything about the real world, being a former foster child. It took me talking to my mom about what was happening, and her telling me that I needed help.

You can just tell I am exhausted here.

It was July 2014, I was a new adult fresh out of foster care, having no care in the world, and just doing what I want with no consequences. My mom was concerned with my habits, as was I. I went to the doctor and talked to him about what was going on. He admitted that I was struggling with mental health.

He placed me on my meds, and off I went. Years go by and I am still struggling with mental health. I am constantly lying to my significant other, cheating, and spending money that I didn’t have. My mom and husband like to say, “I was living in a champagne world, on a koolaid budget,”

I constantly refused to talk about my problems. There are signs to knowing when you need help and I am here to help you get there.

Step One: Just Cry it Out

It’s okay to cry. Society has taught us that women are seen as emotional and unstable, whereas men are taught that its unmanly and unsightly to cry. It makes them look weak. To hell with that logic. Just because you cry, does not make you weak, it makes you stronger, it shows that you have emotions. Your emotions are valid. Don’t let anyone else tell you otherwise!

Take a pillow, put your head in it and scream your frustrations out. Cry in the shower if thats your thing. I do it when I am alone. At a young age, I was shown that my feelings were not valid, and I brought that with me into adulthood. Even now, I struggle with letting my emotions show to my now-husband, then-boyfriend, Kiefer. Once you feel you have had enough, proceed to the next step.

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Step 2: Talk with a friend, etc.

If you feel like you need to talk to someone before taking the big leap and talking to a mental health professional, find someone who is your rock, who will validate your feelings and push you to make that leap. It may be tough to find someone you can talk to, because you may feel like no one is there, or that no one will help. However, just knowing that there is a friend, spouse, family member, etc, out there.

Photo by Hannah Busingon Unsplash

I struggle a lot with taking to my husband about what I am feeling on a day to day basis. So, I just tell him “nothing is wrong’ or that “I’m fine,” but he doesn’t accept it. He always pushes me to keep talking about my feelings, even when I don’t want to.

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Step 3: Journal Your Feelings

Now you may choose not to talk with a friend, and that’s okay. You can always document your feelings in another form. Like writing, drawing, or any form of art. When I am not talking about my feelings, I tend to search the web for other journal ideas, or even journal shopping therapy. I shop around for different journals where I may purchase to probably write in it.

Photo by Alysha Roslyon Unsplash

I use Amazon for all my shopping needs for journalling and I found the cutest journal in it, as well as some cute pens to go with it. Journaling isn’t for everyone. You may find that another method is best for you, and that’s alright. You do you. There isn’t anything wrong about that.

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Step 4: See Your Mental Health Professional

It may be tough to pick up that phone to schedule an appointment, but I want you to take a deep breath, pick up that phone and dial it. I encourage you to try your hardest to make that appointment. When I first made my appointment, I was scared. I didn’t want it to happen, but I took a breath, pulled up my big girl pants and took that leap.

If you need help, you can always ask someone you trust to make that appointment for you. Just make sure that it is someone you have talked to before about how you are feeling.

Step 5: Attend Your Appointment

Everyone’s mental health appointment with their doctor is going to be different, based on their symptoms. Mine was just me talking about how I was feeling down, and sporadic, and recently it was about me constantly sleeping. Neither was healthy.

Sleeping wise, I was going to bed at 10 pm pacific time, waking up to send my husband off to work at 5:30 am pacific, then going back to sleep until my son woke me up at 8 am pacific. After I dropped him off at daycare, I would then walk home, curl back in bed and sleep until 11 am, then fall back asleep and sleep until 1/2 pm.

Like I said, unhealthy, am I right? Your appointment will go based on what you talk to your doctor about. Honestly, it’s always good to be honest with your doctor about what you have been feeling like, because they can decide the best course for you.

Step 6: Applaud Yourself

Congrats, you’ve completed a crucial part of your journey. I am so proud of you! Go get yourself a reward, be it a doughnut, a new book, etc. There are many different parts of this journey, but we will get there when it is time. I love to reward myself with new books, as that is one of my hobbies.

Let me know in the comments below about your journeys, I would love to hear them.

Categories
Mental Health

My Personal Signs of Depression

Everyone battles depression differently, which also means they show different signs. Not everyone can hide it well, like me, but there are a lot of people who have had years of experience hiding it.

depression

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The beginning:

It all started years ago, when I was struggling through school. For a while I was happy and jealous of my sister who could do no wrong. Given the fact that she was special needs, I felt like she also needed to get into trouble. She did, but not for the things that I as accused of.

My sister and I never got along. Even though when she was dying of appendicitis(she was 13, I was 10), I was scared for her to leave me. She was my big sister, and because she was special needs, I felt like I was responsible for her and needed to take care of her.

After she came home from the hospital, she changed. Katrina, my sister, used to be a sweet girl, skinny and didn’t eat much. Now, she could eat 3 bowls of soup in one sitting, and didn’t know when to stop. She even got meaner. Katrina, after the hospital, got her room and I was jealous. Why did I have to suffer through another toddler screaming her head off at 3 in the morning before school? It wasn’t fair.

Katrina and I would torment each other. Sometimes it got physical, other times it resulted in a screaming match. She would slam her door, and I would stomp downstairs. During this time, my grades were suffering. I got to high school, made some friends, but I never truly grasped the concept of the work I was given.

I’d rather hang out with my friends then do homework. I even felt like my grade 8 social studies teacher had it out for me. ould hand in work on time, and she would lose it, saying that I never turned it in. Frustration got the better of me. I hated her.

Then it was math. I tried so hard to understand the concepts of math, but it felt like everything was just jumbling around my head.

One night I was doing homework, and struggling to get over one question, that my elder foster brother was trying to teach me, but it was so difficult that I started to cry. I was told, “Its not that hard, you don’t need to cry about it.” Here, I started to realize that my emotions were not validated. This is when I realized that, because I am in a foster home, I am not wanted.

Don’t get me wrong, I saw my real mother once a month, for only 2 hours, and my dad, I saw every second Saturday for 4-8 hours. In the past, when I would have a visit with my mom, I would sit in the window waiting for her to come. Then, the phone rang, its my mom calling to say she can’t make it. After time went by, I started to resent her. I still do. Constantly making excuses on why she couldn’t see me when I was younger, really hurt.

The Middle:

After graduation, I decided I was going to go back to school. No use sitting at the house, doing nothing, not earning anything. I didn’t have a job, and not only that I was restricted on where I could go to get a job. I was only able to go to Walnut Grove, and I couldn’t work past 11. It was tough. Trying to find a job with no experience.

Then we went to Osoyoos in the Okanagan Valley of British Columbia. It’s the most beautiful place I have ever been, plus it’s the only dessert in Canada. I met a guy online, and we made plans to meet up in Osoyoos. We hung out, had fun and went our separate ways. 3 months later, I found out I was pregnant. I didn’t know who the dad was at the point, but after she was born and a DNA test was done, I knew it was the guy in Osoyoos.

I placed my little girl for adoption, 3 hours after I had her. 2 days before mothers day. When Mother’s Day arrived, I was sad beyond relief. My foster mom tried to comfort me, but I didn’t want to be comforted. This was also a month before I had to move out. There was no choice, I had to move out the day before Canada Day.

Then I moved, drank a little, went to the doctor to explain what I was feeling. Which was fatigue, loneliness, and loss of interest of things I was interested in.

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https://www.webmd.com/depression/guide/detecting-depression

The current signs:

I got medication to help combat it. My doctor referred me to a counsellor/ psychiatrist, and it was helping a little bit, but every time I saw that little girl, I was dying inside.

I started spending money, faster than I had it. After that, I became a spendaholic. Buying journals like this with intentions to write about my problems. Never did finish writing.

Always starting and never finishing. I started to procrastinate on all my things, became a hurricane of mess, and was always angry. My then boyfriend, Kiefer, is the only thing that makes me happy, aside from my little boy.

Never the End

Fighting depression is a never ending story. One day, you could be all happy and excited, with courage to get out of bed to do things. Then the next day, you could be fighting to get out of bed to do the things you love.

3 years ago, I went to a new psychiatrist because of an incident that happened with my son. I was then diagnosed with Major Depressive Disorder.

Many days and nights, I fight with myself about having to do things around the house. My brain thinks of worse case scenarios, which gives me anxiety.